Visions of Orange & White
I have been re-listening to Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert recently. This is something I do from time to time as a reminder to be my most creative self. The book, if you haven’t read it do, is all about giving yourself permission to be creative and being your most innovative self. When I get stuck listening to my critic more than my true self I return to this book as a permission slip and inspiration to create freely.
This time through the book I was struck by one particular section; “Trickster vs. Martyr.” Gilbert explains that “martyr energy is dark, solemn, macho, hierarchical, fundamentalist, austere, unforgiving, and profoundly rigid.” Where on the other hand the “trickster energy is light, sly, transgender, transgressive, animist, seditious, primal, and endlessly shape-shifting.” I instantly thought about the imagery of a fox, which happens to be a recurrent theme for me lately.
The first appearance of a fox was this past spring when I had my windows open for the first time in the season. I was awoken to the sound of something shrieking outside my window. It was a familiar sound to me, one I had heard before but just couldn’t place. I rushed to the window to identify this creature and found a vixen chasing off a sizable raccoon. At two in the morning, only a few hours after being woken by gun shots, a vixen fox screaming was a surprise.
A few months later, sitting on a friends porch having cocktails, I saw a fox passing from one set of tree cover to another. She moved with purpose but grace while looking about for predators. We paused mid-conversation to take in this majestic creature and all her glory. It felt like an honor to have our evening enchanted by her mere existence. But aren’t some creatures just like that?
A few months ago now I met a new human who sparked that same enchantment and one of the topics of discussion, a fox. She had recently been awe struck by a fox in Christy Woods while on a stroll. The fox sat perched at the end of the trail assessing the lay of the land leaving the human watching her awed by her presence. She described to me how regal and beautiful this moment had been with both of them so close and sharing the same space.
To me, the fox is the ultimate in trickster energy. We have all heard the reference of being “sly as a fox.” It knows itself and woods better than any other. The fox is reserved but can be very vulnerable at time displaying her beauty. She doesn’t just hunt her food by stalking it but she leaps high in the air falling into a playful pounce. Majestic, exuberant, shy and sly she carries herself with grace and humor. I aspire to be the fox, to be shapeshifting, light, sly and transgendered.
To make this happen, I must embrace my vulnerability and let go of my comfort in the martyr. I have and still do, get stuck in looking “cool and collected.” I fall into the trap of machismo and austerity but long to be free. I want to know and embrace myself. There is so much lovely tenderness and beauty in the letting go. Like the fox, I want to present myself to the world authentically, vulnerably and with a playful heart in order to honor those around me with my full presence.
